The Freefall

You’ve heard about steps of faith.  Sometimes they’re called “a blind step of faith” or maybe even “a leap of faith.”  In the past these phrases have always conjured up images of me closing my eyes and taking a step, with the Father gently nudging me forward, holding my hand and guiding my feet.  It’s like that Indiana Jones movie where he steps off the enormous, bottomless cliff, only to land on a strong and sure pathway where he could merely stroll across.  That’s so nice.

However, I’m choosing to coin a new term.  In my mind it’s new, so my apologies if someone else has done it first.  I’m calling it “the freefall of faith.”  Because I step off, maybe even leap off over the bottomless gorge.  Problem is, there’s no quick or sure landing for my feet.  I just keep falling…  And falling…

And falling…  There’s no need to panic, of course.  I am a child of the King and my steps have been confirmed all along the way with sweet assurances and peace.  But off in the distance I can see something as I’m falling.  It’s the bottom.  So I start wondering, “what’s that going to feel like?”  “Does God really intend for me to crash at the bottom?”  The peace is still there so I’m okay if that’s just part of His plan.  He’ll pick me up, dust me off and guide me along as He always has and I’ll love Him all the more for the things I learned in the process.  “The righteous live by faith“-Romans 1:17, Galatians 3:11.  The righteous do not live by logical reasoning or safety, but by faith.  It’s in this moment, free falling downward, that I think about the times I’ve clung to my safety nets and sound judgement rather than my faith.  And I realize that was not really living, it was surviving.   “The righteous live by faith.”  What a gift, to really live!  And so another wave of peace surges through my soul as I hand my pitiful fear to the Lord and rest in the courage He’s shared with me.  I will not grope for safety or try to solve this.  $4,025 due Saturday for Equip.  Doctor bills.  Lesson plans.  Studying.  The black hole of my to do list that seems to suck away all my time.  Ten eyes watching me all day long.  Ten ears always listening.  Ten hands reaching.  Six (adding the sweet hubs in here) hearts and souls that need filling.  Voids that only the fruits of the Spirit can fill.  God knows I can’t do that.  But He will carry me.  And if His solutions don’t look anything like I think they should, I’ll still rest in that courage, in my faith.

So on I fall, not cringing, groping, or flailing, but with arms and hands and eyes open, watching, heart pounding.

“Jesus said, ‘You of little faith!  Why are you discussing among yourselves that you do not have bread?'” – Matthew 16:8

For through the spirit, by faith, we eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness.”  – Galatians 5:5

In Him we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him.” – Ephesians 3:12

Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  But endurance must do it’s complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.”  – James 1:3-4

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:6

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